Ask Barbara is a free question and answer service from JFCS of Minneapolis


	Dating getting serious... Dear AskBarbara, My 17-year-old daughter is a junior in high school and has been dating the same boy for the past six months. They spend a lot of time together. Lately, I’ve noticed they are more openly affectionate with each other. My daughter doesn’t share much about the relationship and I don’t want to pry. She is excited about Prom and I know that there is a lot of planning going on, although I don’t know the details. I’m worried that they are getting more serious and I don’t know how to approach this with my daughter. I want to respect her privacy but I don’t want her to make decisions now that she isn’t ready for and that she will regret later. Concerned Mom read more Expensive gifts... Dear Barbara, I have three great kids – Adam is 12, Claire is 9 and Josh is 6. With the holidays fast approaching they have turned into “gotta have it” monsters. They each have a passion. But their passions are costly and far exceed what we can afford to spend. Josh is all about Disney “Cars”, Claire is obsessed with American Girl dolls and accessories, and Adam insists that he really NEEDS an Xbox 360 complete with games. I’m totally overwhelmed by all of this. I’m also really disappointed to see how materialistic my children have become. We’ve tried to raise them with good values—gratitude, moderation and caring about those less fortunate—but something happened this year. I want to make Chanukah special and I don’t want them to feel disappointed. I would appreciate any advice you can give me. Signed, Hoping for a Happy Holiday read more Teenaged daughter... Dear Barbara, Our just-turned-teenaged daughter insists on changing her clothes constantly. This happens numerous times every morning before school as she tries to look a certain way. It has turned our mornings into frenzied chaos and she's always running late. I don't understand what's going on and I don't have a clue as to how to handle it. Every time my wife or I try to intervene there are tears (not always my daughter's) and arguing. Her mom and I are worn out already and the school year has just begun! Any advice would be appreciated. - Fashionista’s Dad read more Interfaith and holidays... Dear Barbara, My son, daughter-in-law and two grandchildren, ages 4 and 7, are coming from out of town for Rosh Hashanah. They have never visited for the Holidays before and I am very excited. My daughter-in-law is a lovely woman who is Catholic. My son had a Bar Mitzvah, was Confirmed, went to Jewish camp and Israel----but as an adult, has never really shown interest in Judaism or celebrating holidays or having a Jewish home. I worry that my grandchildren will not have any religious identity or understand anything about their Jewish roots. I don’t really know why they are coming for the Holidays this year but I feel like this is my chance to show them what it means to be Jewish and to have a Jewish home. My husband says I’m too pushy and I need to leave them alone, but how can I pass up this golden opportunity? What should I do? Eager Bubby read more Sleepless nights... Dear Barbara, My three children are transforming me into a nocturnal creature. Help! I have a 3-month-old, and a preschooler and kindergartener that share a room. The 2-year-old wakes up one to two times a night, yelling for me with urgency. When I come in, she has a big smile on her face. I think she just wants to know that Mommy will come running at any time, day or night! read more Tough questions... Dear Barbara, I have a daughter who is just turning 5 and she asks a lot of tough questions! My sister, who spends a fair amount of time with us, is in the process of getting a divorce. Whenever my sister stops by my daughter asks where Uncle Jim is. Do I simply tell her that they decided not to live together anymore? Is there more appropriate language I should use? She also listens closely when the news is on. Because at her preschool they talk about Israel, often she picks up on stories regarding the conflict between Israel and Iraq. Recently we were grocery shopping and saw a local news anchor and she said "that is the man that talks about Israel on the TV." read more Teasing... Dear Barbara, When is teasing... teasing? My 12-year-old daughter was at a friend's cabin for the long weekend with four other girls. When she came home she said she had a great time and she even told me one girl she hadn't known particularly well made a point of telling her how fun she was. read more Fighting... Dear Barbara, I have three sons, ages 4, 6 and 8, who fight over everything no matter what my husband and I do! They fight over which TV show to watch, so we turn off the TV. They fight over whose turn it is on the computer. So we don't let either one use it. Again, they don't learn. If they fight over a toy, we take it away, choose who gets it, or decide no one gets to use it at that time. They never learn from the consequences read more

Dating getting serious...

Dear AskBarbara,
My 17-year-old daughter is a junior in high school and has been dating the same boy for the past six months. They spend a lot of time together. Lately, I’ve noticed they are more openly affectionate with each other. My daughter doesn’t share much about the relationship and I don’t want to pry. She is excited about Prom and I know that there is a lot of planning going on, although I don’t know the details. I’m worried that they are getting more serious and I don’t know how to approach this with my daughter. I want to respect her privacy but I don’t want her to make decisions now that she isn’t ready for and that she will regret later.
Concerned Mom

read more

Expensive gifts...

Dear Barbara,
I have three great kids – Adam is 12, Claire is 9 and Josh is 6. With the holidays fast approaching they have turned into “gotta have it” monsters. They each have a passion. But their passions are costly and far exceed what we can afford to spend. Josh is all about Disney “Cars”, Claire is obsessed with American Girl dolls and accessories, and Adam insists that he really NEEDS an Xbox 360 complete with games. I’m totally overwhelmed by all of this. I’m also really disappointed to see how materialistic my children have become. We’ve tried to raise them with good values—gratitude, moderation and caring about those less fortunate—but something happened this year. I want to make Chanukah special and I don’t want them to feel disappointed. I would appreciate any advice you can give me.
Signed, Hoping for a Happy Holiday

read more

Teenaged daughter...

Dear Barbara,
Our just-turned-teenaged daughter insists on changing her clothes constantly. This happens numerous times every morning before school as she tries to look a certain way.

It has turned our mornings into frenzied chaos and she's always running late. I don't understand what's going on and I don't have a clue as to how to handle it. Every time my wife or I try to intervene there are tears (not always my daughter's) and arguing. Her mom and I are worn out already and the school year has just begun! Any advice would be appreciated.
- Fashionista’s Dad

read more

Interfaith and holidays...

Dear Barbara,
My son, daughter-in-law and two grandchildren, ages 4 and 7, are coming from out of town for Rosh Hashanah. They have never visited for the Holidays before and I am very excited. My daughter-in-law is a lovely woman who is Catholic. My son had a Bar Mitzvah, was Confirmed, went to Jewish camp and Israel----but as an adult, has never really shown interest in Judaism or celebrating holidays or having a Jewish home. I worry that my grandchildren will not have any religious identity or understand anything about their Jewish roots. I don’t really know why they are coming for the Holidays this year but I feel like this is my chance to show them what it means to be Jewish and to have a Jewish home. My husband says I’m too pushy and I need to leave them alone, but how can I pass up this golden opportunity? What should I do?
Eager Bubby

read more

Sleepless nights...

Dear Barbara,
My three children are transforming me into a nocturnal creature. Help! I have a 3-month-old, and a preschooler and kindergartener that share a room. The 2-year-old wakes up one to two times a night, yelling for me with urgency. When I come in, she has a big smile on her face. I think she just wants to know that Mommy will come running at any time, day or night!

read more

Tough questions...

Dear Barbara,
I have a daughter who is just turning 5 and she asks a lot of tough questions! My sister, who spends a fair amount of time with us, is in the process of getting a divorce. Whenever my sister stops by my daughter asks where Uncle Jim is. Do I simply tell her that they decided not to live together anymore? Is there more appropriate language I should use?

She also listens closely when the news is on. Because at her preschool they talk about Israel, often she picks up on stories regarding the conflict between Israel and Iraq. Recently we were grocery shopping and saw a local news anchor and she said "that is the man that talks about Israel on the TV."

read more

Teasing...

Dear Barbara,
When is teasing... teasing? My 12-year-old daughter was at a friend's cabin for the long weekend with four other girls. When she came home she said she had a great time and she even told me one girl she hadn't known particularly well made a point of telling her how fun she was.

read more

Fighting...

Dear Barbara,
I have three sons, ages 4, 6 and 8, who fight over everything no matter what my husband and I do!

They fight over which TV show to watch, so we turn off the TV. They fight over whose turn it is on the computer. So we don't let either one use it. Again, they don't learn.

If they fight over a toy, we take it away, choose who gets it, or decide no one gets to use it at that time. They never learn from the consequences

read more